The High Five Habit

In the High Five Habit, Mel Robbins, the author of The 5 Second Rule, shares how a simple habit can change a life. She shares why we shouldn’t apologize so much in the book and what a “high five” does to our brain.

The high five habit involves standing in front of a mirror every morning and high-fiving our reflection. High fiving ourselves gives us the ability to reflect on the positive and avoid being critical of ourselves. Robbins shares it feels a little odd but feels good.

While it can feel a little off to high five ourselves, science backs up the practice. Think about high fives in your life. When did you receive them? What memories do they stir? There was an experiment where kids were given a task and motivated differently. Some were praised for a trait. Others praised for effort. The third and final group celebrated with high fives. The high-fivers were the group that felt the best and kept at it the longest.

Why? Neurobics.  Neurobics combine something familiar—like brushing our teeth—with something unfamiliar, like high-fiving, our brains pay attention and create new neural connections.

So, how to start a high-five habit? Put a note on your bathroom mirror as a reminder. Post-its! Shoot for five days row.

New habits can be challenging because of RAS—the Reticular Activating System. The whole job of RAS is to filter all the information we receive every day. RAS tells our brains to ignore what’s not essential. Wonder why when someone yells your name in public, you stop and pay attention? That’s RAS in action.

Want a reason to be more positive? If negativity is an integral part of your life, RAS will prioritize it.

So, how do we focus on being positive? Focus on being kind to yourself. Focus on supporting yourself. Choose a mantra. For example, “Every day, in every way, I’m stronger and stronger.”

In addition to being positive, be thankful, not apologetic. For example, thank someone for an airport pickup instead of apologizing for the pickup.

In summary, high five yourself, pay attention to RAS, stay positive, and focus on gratitude instead of apologizing.

A Minute to Think

We need space to think.  Space and managing our day are the core concepts of A Minute to Think: Reclaim Creativity, Conquer Busyness, and Do Your Best Work. 

Being busy is different than being productive.  There’s a state called “performative busyness,” where we feel better when more active.

Part of the need to be busy is self-imposed pressure based on others.  In the book, they share an example from the show Candid Camera.  In it, a bunch of actors in an elevator face the wrong way.  When an unsuspecting person goes into the elevator, they too face the wrong way.  In a work setting, we can mirror this behavior.  If we are in a team where everyone is always on and responding to emails or texts at all hours of the day, we can feel pressure to match this same behavior.

Gallup stated 25% of us feel burnt out.  Deloitte said over 2/3 of us have an “overwhelming” amount of work.  Yet, being more focused and less “on” delivers results.  Microsoft in Japan did a study where employees worked a four-day workweek instead of a five-day workweek.  Productivity went up by 40%.

To perform complex tasks, we use our frontal lobe.  Without breaks, there is a dramatic drop in productivity.  With breaks, our brains are more effective and creative. 

There are four breaks: social, nutritional, relaxation, and cognition based on a Harvard Business School study.  A social break is taking time to talk to someone.  A nutritional break is eating or drinking.  A relaxation break could be taking a walk.  A cognition break is reading something non-work-related.

Our core drives at work are to get information and achieve excellence.  The mistake we make is to shoot for perfection.  If you wonder if you’re a perfectionist, ask if others have said you’re too focused on details or give too much effort to things that aren’t important.

To curb perfectionism, choose projects, problems, and people who deserve focused attention and effort.  Also, avoid distractions like notifications for email or social media, or other platforms. 

Along with avoiding distractions, control your devices instead of letting your devices control you.  Studies show smartphones can make us less productive, and a recent research study stated just having our phone on the table while talking to someone makes that person like us less.

Constantly checking social media or email makes us less productive and not focused on more complex tasks.  We do it because we get a dopamine rush.  So how do we get around this?  Develop habits like having set times to check email or social media.

For communication, effective communicators think about the medium.  The book talks about 2D and 3D communication.  2D is a text or email to get a quick answer.  3D is a live conversation when we need a more complex conversation or outcome.

In summary, busyness is not a badge of honor.  Schedule the day instead of letting the daily schedule you by having focused thinking time, taking breaks, and controlling when you check email or social media. 

Magic Words

In his book, Magic Words, Tim David shares words that can dramatically increase persuasion.  Magic words are words that use more effective communicators and help motivate others to take action.  For magic words to work, they need a strong relationship and connection.

The first magic word is “yes,” and getting someone to say “yes” before your actual ask increases your odds of success.  In fact, in one study of salespeople, those that got the customer to say yes to anything a few times before they asked for the sale increased their success rate from 18 to 32%.

Our name. What’s the favorite word for any of us to hear? Want to make someone feel important? Use their name when you’re talking with them.

Another magic word is “but.” Saying but makes someone think that everything you said before the but isn’t what you mean.

If you want to get what you want, give a reason.  A Harvard professor studied how someone using a copier shared why they needed to cut in line.  60% of the time, a person successfully cut in line because she shared her “because.”

Help. It’s useful when delegating.  For most of us, “help” is a powerful word.  When someone asks for help, we’re inclined to lean in and give our best.

The last magic word is “thanks.” Many years ago, I was part of an executive coaching, Strategic Coach program.  Quarterly, I’d fly out to Chicago.  The main tenants of the program shared that for us to be successful were to be on time, to what we say, to finish what we start, and say please and thank you.